WASHINGTON, D.C. – The President of the United States has been had. During a summer family motorcade vacation trip to Six Flags the president’s fleet of Town Cars pulled over to fuel up and was shocked to see the actual price of gas at one service center was 20 cents higher than their billboard’s advertised price. That is when eagle-eyed Sasha pointed out the tiny asterisk next to the price. The asterisk indicated that price was “with full price car washed.”
“What the fuck kind of bullshit is this?!” Obama shouted at Secretary of Transportation, Anthony Foxx, and Secretary of Commerce, Penny Pritzker, both of whom are constitutionally required to travel with the president to amusement parts, go cart tracks and bounce houses. What followed was a 20 minute emergency meeting to determine the best course of action. The president’s staff started working on an executive order to stop the shady practice before the meeting adjourned.
In his press conference immediately following signing the order a triumphant Obama said “No longer can we wait. Fine, hard working Americans with no desire to wash their car are being lured in by big promises of low prices. I cannot wait for Congressional action. We can’t allow Washington’s toxic culture of gridlock and dysfunction to prevent moving forward with honest pricing. That’s why I signed this order into law effective immediately. Thank you and God bless America.”