We spent a day shopping at the new Traitor Joe’s store that is so popular with the hipsters and the whole food crowd to put together a comprehensive list of all the best stuff for your next shopping trip!
Counterfeit U.S. Dollars!
Who wants to be a millionaire isn’t the name of a game show when you walk into a Traitor Joe’s – it’s a legitimate question! For just $20 bucks you can pick up $100,000 bucks in forged $20’s. You can take down the capitalist dog one lap dance at a time!
Did you know the path to the Oregon Trail begins in… North Korea? That’s right the Tandy TRS-80 is still a very popular computing machine in Kim Jung-un’s nation and they still manufacture them by the dozens and Joe’s got ’em! The NSA isn’t going to be able to spy on your 5.25 inch floppy, comrade!
Lime Green Camo
Need to do some recon work in a key-lime orchard? Well, North Korea makes the best neon green fatigues when you’re flipping off the old red, white and blue! Make sure to buy a size up, they tend to run small in the crotch, which is important to know when you’re plotting against the red, white and blue devils!
The Rare Cobra-Funded Cold Slither Album on Cassette
Every episode of GI Joe in North Korea ends before the Joes can stop Cobra Commander and his troops. Naturally, the most popular rock group there is Cold Slither, the Dreadnought band fronted by their chameleon leader, Zar-Tan! They were much better than Gem and her stupid Holograms. Joe must be a fan too because they’re always in stock!
Yummy! ’nuff said!