VP Mike Pence “Russian Roulette Doesn’t Kill People Because Only 1 in 6 Players Develop Head Wounds!”


Mike Pence shows us with a gun looks like. PEW PEW!

In 2000, vice president Mike Pence published an op-ed where he claimed that smoking doesn’t kill people because only 1 in 3 smokers will die from a smoking related illness.

Mike Pence, the man one heart beat away from the nuclear launch codes likes those odds! In fact he has published op-eds scoffing the traditional wisdom on several other behaviors that have traditionally been considered risky. Here are some we found:

  • Ghost Riding the Whip
  • Taking Random Pills You Find on the Ground
  • Painting in a Poorly Ventilated Room
  • Getting High on Your Own Supply
  • Betting against the Harlem Globetrotters
  • Partying with Charlie Sheen
  • And most controversial – playing Russian Roulette.

The now-Vice President stated in his op-ed on Russian Roulette, “First of all, messing around with anything Russian is no reason for concern. They have a tremendous record of safety and place a high value on human life so you’re in good hands even if no Russians are present for the game. Second, a revolver has six chambers and only one has a bullet it in. I like those odds, it’s twice as safe as smoking! I mean, I’d be over the moon if 1 in 6 Americans had affordable health care or was living above the poverty line…  Or put it this way if only 1 in 6 Americans wasn’t a white Catholic or Protistan I could live with that and we wouldn’t need a wall or a travel ban on Muslims. 5 dull, white guys with pork chop haircuts like mine to every ‘ethnic’ person would be a dream. Think of it like climate change, just because the evidence says that the sea level is rising because of human activity that doesn’t mean the statistics are related. The climate is always changing, it’s the way the universe works. Now, think about Russian Roulette, just because 1 in 6 players develops a gaping, fatal head wound from playing doesn’t mean the statistics are related. Almost half of the people at one time died because of the plague, would you rather have another black plague or put a gun up to your head and roll the dice? This administration is willing to roll the dice… so smoke ’em if you got ’em!”



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